Cullen IM
by Nessie-RosieBFFLZ
Summary: The Cullens and Werwolves IM.Rated teen for fowl language and sexual phrases
1. Heels & Paint remover

IM names:

Renesmee: his_unique_bby*

Jacob: her-dog-4evr!

Jasper: Badass_Confederate

Alice: *Gothic-Tinkerbell*

Rosalie: Not*this*life

Emmett: BARNEY'S_BUDDY!

Esme: His_Kitty(:

Carlisle: How-2-Save-A-Life

Edward: *Biting pillows*

Bella: *Bruises~n~broken headboards*

Sam: Big_Dog

Paul: HOT_tempered_Canine

Seth: Neutral_Pup

Leah: That_Bitch_on_ur_Block

Jared: Hot_Dog

BARNEY'S_BUDDY! Has logged on.

His_unique_bby* has logged on.

Badass_Confederate has logged on.

BARNEY'S_BUDDY!: hey..whats up my pplz?

Badass_Confederate:ummmm…wtf!?

His_unique_bby*:uncle Emmett,why is ur u/n "barney's buddy?"!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

BARNEY'S_BUDDY!:Barney is my hero!!!!

His_unique_bby*: why?!?

BARNEY'S_BUDDY!: He is a dino!...i like dinos…do the math!!!!

Not*This*LIFE has logged on.

Not*This*Life: Emmett u can't even do the math!!!?

BARNEY'S_BUDDY!: YES I CAN DAMN IT!

Not*This*Life:then whats 2+2=?

BARNEY'S_BUDDY!:Easy……carrot! Ha told u

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged on.

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:hey every1!

BARNEY'S_BUDDY!:HOLY SHIT…umm…I g2g!!!!!

BARNEY'S_BUDDY has logged out.

Badass_Confederate:WTH was tht about?!

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:he sprayed painted my Porsche PURPLE!! And I fixen 2 kik his ass!!!

Badass_Confederate:*sighs* ill go get the heels!

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:tht & the fuckin' paint remover!

Badass_Confederate:yes darlin' *looks frightened*

Badass_Confederate has logged out to get the heels and paint remover so he can get some 2nite.

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged out to kill her brother!

BARNEY'S_BUDDY! has logged on.

BARNEY'S_BUDDY!:HELP MEE!!!!!!!!!!

His_unique_bby*:hav fun uncle Emmett!

BARNEY'S_BUDDY! Has been disconnected.

His_unique_bby*:well..he's screwed…hey auntie rosie(:!

Not*This*Life has logged off.

His_unique_bby*: aw...well...damn!


	2. HotDog

His_unique_bby* has logged on.

Her-dog-4evr! Has logged on.

Neutral_Pup has logged on.

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged on.

Her-dog-4evr!:hey bby(:

His_unique_bby*:hey(: I feel loved!

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:I bet u do

Neutral_Pup: hey jake(: hi ness(:

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:wht am I….fuckin' dirt on ur damned paw?!?

Neutral_Pup has ignored *Gothic_Tinkerbell*

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*: FUCK U SETH!!

Neutral_Pup:u would!!

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged off.

Neutral_Pup: OH SHIT!

Neutral_Pup has been disconnected

Hot_Dog has logged on.

Hot_Dog:why is alice ripping seth's hair out??

Her_dog_4evr!:he is gonna be cold In the winter…and he tlked 2 alice…that is the problem…

His_unique_bby*:umm…jared….what in the hell is up with ur u/n?!?!

Hot_Dog:'cuz im 1 hot dog!!!

Her_dog_4evr!: umm…tht would b me…rite ness?!?

His_unique_bby*:yes…mmmhhmm…why in the the hell do u think I married u…ur ugly as shit…jkjk…(: love u 2!

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged on.

Hot_Dog:im scared 2 ask this….but..where is seth??

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:at school…on the flag pole…hanging by his underwear! *grins*

Hot_Dog:oh shit!!

Hot_Dog has logged off 2 hide his wiener.

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged off 2 find him.

Her_dog_4evr!:I wonder wht she is gonna do 2 him ness when she finds him…? *wiggles eyebrows*

His_unique_bby*:umm…u kno she is listening…rite…?

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged on.

Her_dog_4evr!:oh..shitt….

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:I TOOK THT PERVERTEDLY AND UR NEXT JACOB BLACK!!

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged off 2 find Jacob and Jared.

Her_dog_4evr!:HELP ME NESSIEE!!!!!!

His_unique_bby*:ALICE DNT HURT HIM BAD…I STILL WANT HIM IN 1 PIECE AND ALSO…I WANT 2 B ABLE 2 KISS HIM THANK U!

Her_dog_4evr!: this is alice..ok…ill just put on a crutch….or….ill jus take him away from u!! *jake in background* noooooooooooooooo!!!!! Im as horney as it is!!

*bitting pillows* has logged on.

*bitting pillows*:What did u just say 2 my daughter Jacob black?!?!?

Her_dog_4evr!: Nothing!

*Bitting pillows*:ALICE…DNT KILL THT 1 I WANT 2!!

His_unique_bby*:DAD DNT U DARE!! MIINEEE!!!! 3

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged on.

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:MINE EDWARD!!

Badass_Confederate has logged on.

Badass_Confederate:yes…

His_unique_bby*:where have u been all this time?

Badass_Confederate:why…was I messed…

His_unique_bby*:yes…but…can u go calm ur wife down!!!??  
Badass_Confederate:oh…god…what happened now?!?

His_unique_bby*:well…seth said tht she would fuck him and then jake said something perverted and now she has gone 2 kill them…..:(

Badass_Confederate:im outta this!!

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:Wimp and ….mine still Edward!

Her_dog_4evr!:tecnicly im nessies'…

*bitting pillows*:dog..u do realize tht I am stil on…rite?!?!

Her_dog_4evr! Has been disconnected.

*Bitting pillows* has logged off.

His_unique_bby*:what happened to Jared?

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:oh….i took care of him(:

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged out to go watch Edward severely injure Jacob!

His_unique_bby*:HE BETTER NOT HURT MY HUSBAND AND DAMN IT…IM ALONE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

His_unique_bby* has logged off.

BARNEY'S_BUDDY! Has logged on.

BARNEY'S_BUDDY!:helloo….HEllooooo…HELLOOO….well…

Damn it!!!!!!!

BARNEY'S_BUDDY! Has logged off to go pout.


	3. Alice's big take down

HOT_tempered_Canine has logged on.

How-2-Save-A-Life has logged on.

His_unique_bby* has logged on.

Her_dog_4evr! Has logged on.

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged on.

BARNEY'S_BUDDY! Has logged on

Not*This*Life has logged on.

His_unique_bby*: HOLY SHIT THERE IS A LOT OF PPLZ ON!!!

How-2-Save-A-Life:Rensmee…lango….

His_unique_bby* Lango?!?!?

Not*This*Life: yea dad…wtf?!?!

How-2-Save-A-Life:yes damn it!!

BARNEY'S_BUDDY!: lango!...dad lol XD

How-2-Save-A-Life: Emmett…grounded…

BARNEY'S_BUDDY! Has been disconnected and grounded from computer

Her_dog_4evr!:hi ness(: hi rose(: hi paul(: hi carsizzle(:

How-2-Save-A-Life:damn it…ur not my kid…cant ground u…..damn!!! im gonna go call billy 4 a sec…..

How-2-Save-A-Life has logged off 2 get jacob's dad to ground him!

Her_dog_4evr!: well…im screwed… hi every1 besides alice (:

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has gone offline 2 kik Jacob's ass!!

Her_dog_4evr!: oh shit twice in 1 day!

His_unique_bby*: well…nice knowin u Jacob…..love ya bby(:

Her_dog_4evr! Has been disconnected 2 b physically hurt.

His_unique_bby* has logged off 2 go watch….(:

HOT_tempered_canine:umm….where is seth??

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:same place Jacob is right now!! (:

HOT_tempered_canine:o…flag pole…

Big_dog has logged on.

Big_Dog: Its funny…every single one one of out wolves hav been taken down by the smallest vampire in the world…

His_unique_bby * has logged on.

His_unique_bby*:ok u dumbasses……u kno tht alice is watching u right…god must I explain?!?

*Gothic-Tinkerbell* has logged on.

*Gothic-Tinkerbell*:I actually take tht as a compliment..i kno I am small…but I do KIK ASS!!! (:

Big_Dog and HOT_tempered_canine has logged off 2 go hide In an animal shelter.

*at the animal shelter*

Paul:She'll never find us here!

Ali:*clears throat*Tsk, tsk, now what wont I do Paul?

Sam:oh shit..RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!*stops running*Im embaressed.I, the leader of the pack, is running from a VAMPIRE.

Paul:With good resons!She fukin scares the shit out of me!Poor Seth!Poor Jacob!Poor Jared! And …oh..shit…were *gulps* next..

Ali:Yup.

Sam:*chuckles nervously*Isnt that flagpole running out of room?

Ali:*looks at nails* Its amazing just how many flagpoles u can put up with vampire speed.

Nessie:*hears conversation* where is jake ali?!

Ali:U WATCHED me beat the shit out of him and hang him up dumbass!

Nessie:I kno now *goes 2 flag pole and lets Seth and Jacob loose*

Jared:Ness…what bout me?

Nessie:I think ill leave u there…*chuckles* hot dog

Seth: *after being let down* MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!My underwear isn't supposed to go this far up my ass!!!!!!!

Leah:Baby.

Seth:U have that little demon get ahold of you and you'll want our Mommy 2!!!!!

Leah:hi Alice.

Ali:Hey Leah.

Nessie:u just insulted her with her own name!!! *chuckles*

Leah:Wanna get her?

Ali:Yep.

Nessie:JAAAASSPPEERRR!!!!! JJJJAAAACCCCOOOOOBBBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*jasper runs and Jacob comes also*

Jasper:WHAT IN THE HELL DO U WANT?!?

Nessie:JASPER HALE I AM UR FUCKIN NEICE…THE LEAST U CAN DO 4 ME IS GET THIS BITCH OF A DOG OFF OF ME AND & SAVE ME FROM UR FUCKIN WIFE!

Jasper:*looks at alice* no can do! *runs lik a bitch*

Jacob:fuckin coward!!! LEAH GET THE FUCK OFF MY WIFE AND GO PLAY FETCH WITH SETH…..*picks Nessie up* r u alright ness??

Nessie:now

Ali:omj!!!!

*Jasper comes in*

Jasper:yes??Guys…?Wtf happened 2 IMing?

Ali:U weren't there.I got had a sudden urge beat the shit out of a mutt.

Sam:ANIMAL ABUSE!

Ali:*glares*

Sam:Ill shut up now…

Nessie:NOW DAMNIT!! Is any1 scared of me??

Ali:NO halfy

Nessie:Bitch.

Ali:Well…

Nessie:*starts 2 run home**Jake follows*

Jacob:*looks back* *glares at ali* im not scared of u!

Ali:oh really *lifts up heels*

Jacob:oh shit!!!!! *catches up with ness*

Jasper:Alice, Darlin', U really gotta stop doing that.

Ali:Its fun 2 watchem run!!!!!Fine…can I still torture Emmett?

Jasper:I cant really control that.

Ali:YAY!!!!!!!!!

*Emmett walks in*

Emmett: I WAS ON THE FUCKIN COMPUTER WAITING ON U GUYS AND I GOT PISSED!!!

Ali:*grins*Now?

Jasper:*sighs*I guess

Em:Alice…?What r u doing?...WTF is that rope for…?Alice?Alice…ALICE?!?!

An hr l8r………………………………………………….

*shows Em tied up*

Em:I knew this was coming…

*Shows Edward tied up beside him*

Ed:Wat?

Em:The day evil pixies take over the world is coming…and I related to their leader

*at the house*

Jasper:I said nothing about Edward, Alice!

Ali:Exactly, that's y I just assumed it was okay.

*esme comes in holding Emmett and Edward by the ear*

Esme:Alice..

Alice:coming….*grins in inocentness*

Esme:Is this ur doing?

Ali:no mommy…it hurts that u would even assume that…*runs up 2 her room*

*as alice is running up the stairs…hears carlisle's voice in the background*

Ali:o shit……

*Carlisle look lik he was tied up & looks pissed*

Ali:ill be in my room if u need me

*Emmett and Edward are laughing*

Carlisle:ALICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IN THE HELL DID U TIE ME UP?!?

Ali:u took away my precious…

Jasper: why thank u darlin'

Ali:not u my CREDIT CARDS DAMNIT!!

Jasper:oh…love u 2 ali!

*Jacob walks in*

Jacob:she has already attacked the whole damned wolf pack!!

Ali:the saddest part is…I could take all of them down…(:

Esme:that is pretty sad I have 2 admit…but…alice….grounded…

Ali:Damn it!

Emmett:*says in relief* YESSS!!!!!! Ground her from her heels and everyting dangerous!!!!!!?

Ali:*glares at em*

Emmett:HURRY do it B4 she KILLS ME!?!

Ali:*grins* u kno im gonna get ungrounded…..rite?

Emmett:oh...shit...


End file.
